It Is What It Is
by Cody'sxFavoritexGirl
Summary: Mel Ryder has a drug problem. Her boyfriend is the most unlikely person anyone could think of, the Straight Edge Superstar CM Punk. He's determined to save her from her addiction, but can he save her from herself as well?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is going to be a short multi-chapter fic written for Mel, because she's going through some stuff and I want to make her feel better and let her know that I'm always here and always looking out for her. I love you, Ying. I always will. :) CM Punk goes to the WWE, Mel goes to herself. This is told from her POV. The song lyrics at the very beginning go to Lifehouse. Enjoy.**

**Chapter 1**

"**I was only trying to bury the pain. But I made you cry and I can't stop the crying. Was only trying to save me but I lost you again. Now there's only lying, wish I could say it's only me." -Lifehouse, "It Is What It Is"**

I'm not exactly sure why I do this to myself. Why I take the needle, jab it into my veins. Maybe it's for the rush that I get, that moment where suddenly everything is clear and there's no more pain. Everyone's happy, even me.

Or maybe it's to show people that even the good girl can be bad. Either way, the needle is my friend, and I'm not giving it up for anything or anyone.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" he asked me desperately, his hazel eyes that I loved so much pleading with me to answer.

I just shrugged, keeping my own hazel gaze fixed on the floor. I didn't want to answer this. Who would? There's no logical answer. He can never relate to that rush. He's nothing like me in that aspect. He would never touch the stuff.

"Mel," CM Punk said. "Please answer me."

"What do you want me to tell you?" I demanded a little forcefully. "That I hate myself for doing it? Because I do, alright? I hate it but I need it. And that's all there is to it. Just leave it be, Phil."

"But I can't just leave it be," Punk snapped. "I love you, but I can't handle this anymore. I've tried to help you, but each time you just went back to those damn drugs. Each and every time."

"Well I'm sorry that I'm an addict!" I yelled, jumping to my feet and clenching my fists. "I can't help it, Phil! It's not something that I can just up and quit! But of course you wouldn't understand!"

"You're right, I don't!" he yelled right back at me, startling me. "I swore that I would never touch that stuff, and the reason why is standing right in front of me right now!"

I froze. That was a low blow, and he knew it.

Guilt spread across his face. "I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean it."

"No, I don't," I said coolly. "As a matter of fact, why don't I just get out of your life. I'll save you all this trouble. You can settle down with some normal woman and get married and have children. You know, all those things that you want with me, but of course can't have because of my little _problem._" I spat the word 'problem' with all of the venom that I could muster, and I felt a small twinge of satisfaction when I saw him flinch.

"I don't want anyone else," he said in a quiet voice. "I want you. But I need you to at least try and quit."

"You think I'm not?!" I cried. "You think I like living like this?! I don't! But it's so hard to let it go!" My voice broke, and I couldn't stop the tears that spilled down my cheeks. "It's so hard, Punk...it's so hard..."

I sank to the floor and put my face in my hands, and a moment later strong, muscular arms wrapped around me and pulled me back into a firm chest. I clutched fistfuls of Punk's shirt and sobbed into his chest. He held me silently, comforting me just by being there.

"You know I love you," he said softly after a moment. "With everything I have."

"I know," I whispered, still clinging to his shirt. "And I love you too."

"Just promise me that you'll try," he said, an undercurrent of agony running through his voice.

I swallowed hard. I knew that I could promise to try, but a promise to succeed was another thing entirely.

"I promise," I said.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Warmth spread across my face, and I opened my eyes, blinking in the bright sunlight that streamed through the curtains and spilled over the bed. I sat up and yawned, running my fingers through my messy brown hair. I looked over at Punk's side of the bed and frowned when I saw that he wasn't there. Only then did the sound of the shower reach me, and I glanced over at the closed bathroom door and smiled.

A sudden, very familiar urge hit me, and my breath hitched. I wanted a fix.

I started to get up and move over to the dresser, where my stash was hidden in my underwear drawer, but stopped abruptly when I remembered what had happened last night.

_ Just promise me that you'll try._

I swallowed hard. I couldn't do it. I had promised Punk that I would try to quit, and I was going to fight as hard as I could to keep that promise.

I opened the underwear drawer and pulled out my stash. Shooting a glance at the bathroom door, I hurried into the kitchen and threw it all in the trash.

I put the lid back on the garbage can, proud of myself for cleaning myself up.

"Melly?"

I turned toward the voice happily, my heart filling with love. "I'm in the kitchen!"

Punk appeared in the doorway, wearing a pair of sweatpants and no shirt. His hair was damp, and he smelled like cologne. I inhaled the delicious scent, smiling to myself. That was the cologne that I had gotten him for his birthday a year ago.

"There you are," he said with a warm smile. "I came out of the bathroom and you were gone. I got a little worried."

"Don't worry, I just came out here to make some breakfast," I said cheerfully, kissing his cheek and going over to the fridge. I pulled the door open and pulled out a carton of eggs. Then I went over to the cupboard and got some pancake mix.

"Eggs and pancakes, huh?" Punk mused, picking up the pancake box and reading the instructions on the back.

"Yes," I said, snatching it out of his hands so I could pour some into a bowl. "Is that alright with you?"

"Anything you make is alright with me," Punk replied, placing a soft kiss on my forehead.

I smiled, a fuzzy feeling rising up within me. I loved him so much.

I made the pancakes and eggs and set the plate on the counter. Punk snatched up some pancakes and eggs, and I laughed as he scarfed them down faster than I've ever seen him eat before.

"What?" Punk asked with a grin. "They're really good."

"That's good to hear," I told him.

Punk smiled and put his plate in the dishwasher. "I'm going to go get dressed," he murmured, giving me a deep, lingering kiss.

I kissed him back, and he gave me a very soft look. "I love you," he said.

"I love you too," I answered, and I meant it more than anything.

He smiled, and then he padded down the hallway to the bedroom.

I glanced at the food sitting on the counter, and then I dumped it into the trash and put the dishes in the dishwasher.

Because the truth was, I wasn't hungry for food. I wanted my drugs.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

After Punk came back out of the bedroom fully dressed, we headed to the gym. We worked out for a long time, and the burn in my muscles helped me to forget about the hunger that ate me up inside. I had gone longer than I ever had before without using, and it was making me fidgety. I tried to hide it as well as I could, not wanting Punk to see.

"Hey," Punk said, coming over to where I was jogging on the treadmill. "You ready to hit the ring?"

I turned the dial to stop the treadmill and hopped up so that my feet were on either side of the moving belt. I waited until it had stopped before I jumped off. "Please," I said, a nonchalant note to my voice. "I was born ready."

Punk grinned, clearly amused. "I don't doubt that."

We headed to the ring that took up a huge room in the back of the gym, and we stretched for a little while before we got ready to spar. Things were going good until I went to lift him up for a suplex. My muscles suddenly seemed to turn to jelly and my legs gave out. I fell, Punk landing on top of me.

Pain flared through my ankle, and Punk rolled off of me immediately.

"Melly?" he said, sounding anxious and scared. "What happened? Are you alright?"

"M-My legs gave out..." I whimpered. "My ankle hurts..."

Punk crouched down beside me, and his gentle hands moved my ankle a little bit. I cried out in pain and he yanked his hands away as though he had been burned.

"I think it's broken," he said, sounding solemn. "We have to get you to the hospital, come on..."

I draped my arm over his shoulders and he wrapped his around my waist, and then he helped me up. I held my ankle up off of the ground, careful not to hit it against anything as he helped me out of the ring and out to the car. He swept me up into his arms and set me gently in the passenger seat before he went around the car and got behind the wheel.

"Just hang in there, okay?" he said when he saw the pained look on my face. "We'll be at the hospital soon."

I nodded weakly, and then leaned my head back and closed my eyes.

I must have passed out, because the next thing I knew Punk was shaking me awake. "Baby, wake up. We're here."

I allowed him to lift me into his arms, and then he carried me into the hospital. The nurses rolled over a gurney, and he laid me on it. I held tight to his hand until they wheeled me into the OR, and then I had to let go because he wasn't allowed in.

They sedated me, and when I woke up a couple of hours later I was lying in a hospital bed, my ankle in a cast and propped up on a pillow. An IV was taped to my wrist, and I turned my head to look at the bag of fluids that was being pumped into my veins. There was no pain in my ankle, and I realized that I must have been given pain meds.

The nurse that came in to check on me told me that Punk wasn't allowed to see me just yet and I would have to wait about an hour or so. After she left, I gazed up at the ceiling, revealing the warm feeling that was trickling throughout my body.

Damn, I missed being high. I didn't know how much I longer I could continue to resist this wonderful feeling.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I must have dozed off, because when I opened my eyes again it was dark outside, and the hospital was quiet. I shifted a little and winced when pain shot through my leg from my ankle. I felt a small twinge of disappointment. The pain meds must have worn off.

A chair squeaked, and my head whipped around, my eyes lighting up.

Punk was slumped in a chair next to my bed, his head resting against the back of the chair. His eyes were closed and he was snoring softly. One of his hands rested on the sheets next to mine, and I felt a warm flood of affection run through me. He had stayed here this entire time. He hadn't left me.

I slid my hand into his, careful not to wake him. Our fingers interlocked, and I suddenly felt complete. How could I have been considering giving this up for drugs?

Punk jerked a little all of a sudden, and I watched as his eyes fluttered open. He yawned, but as soon as he saw that I was awake, he sat up, alert and fully awake.

"Hey, you're awake," he said, sounding relieved.

"Yes I am," I replied with a weak smile. "I had to wait a little while until you were, though."

Punk tucked some of my hair behind my ear. "I'm sorry baby. I just wanted to rest my eyes for a little while, and I ended up falling asleep. I guess I was more tired than I thought."

"You don't have to apologize," I told him, resting my head back on the pillows. "You stayed with me."

"Of course I did," he said. "I wasn't going to leave you here all alone. The nurses tried to get me to leave, but I refused and eventually they just gave up."

I laughed. "You're so stubborn."

He grinned. "Yes I am, and proud of it."

I smiled, and then I looked up at the ceiling, drifting back into my earlier thoughts. As much as I loved being with him, I also missed that familiar feeling of getting high, and I was afraid that this feeling of emptiness would never go away, even if I was with Punk for the rest of my life.

What if I could never truly let go of my addiction?

"Hey, you okay?" Punk asked, noticing my pale face. "Do you want me to get a nurse?"

"No, I'm fine," I lied, my voice coming out as barely a whisper. "My ankle just hurts a little, that's all."

Punk gave me a worried look, and then he stood up, removing his hand from mine. "I'm going to go get a nurse. I'll be right back."

"No, don't go," I cried, panicking. For some reason I had this sudden fear that he would never come back. He would walk out of my room and to the parking lot, and then he would get in his car and leave, not once looking back. And even though I knew that he would never, ever do that to me, it didn't stop the fear from crashing over me like a tidal wave.

Punk heard the terrified note in my voice, and he bent to kiss my forehead. "I'll be right back, I promise," he soothed.

"Okay..." I whispered, my eyes searching his face. I looked closely, committing him to memory just in case.

Punk gave me a reassuring smile, and then he kissed me one more time and left, shutting the door to my room behind him.

I took a deep breath, trying to slow my racing heart. I was so, so scared, and not being able to go after him was making me feel extremely powerless and vulnerable. If only I had my drugs, I wouldn't feel powerless anymore...

_No, stop it, _I scolded myself mentally. _Stop thinking like that. You promised._

I sighed, rubbing my hands over my face. That's right, I had promised Punk that I would try to quit, and I couldn't let him down. Not again.

I had already hurt him so much over the months that we were together. I was determined to never hurt him ever again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

I watched the time tick by on the clock across from me, and as each minute went past I began to get more and more anxious. Punk hadn't returned yet, and I was starting to get really scared.

What if he had left me? What if he had decided that I wasn't worth all of this trouble and gone off to find some other normal woman?

I started to feel sick to my stomach, and my skin began to itch, signaling that I wanted a fix. And oh, I did. I craved that rush, that liquid tranquilizer pumping through my veins. I needed it.

My gaze flicked around the room, searching for something, anything. I knew that there definitely weren't any hard drugs here, but there might be some pills somewhere...

The door swung open suddenly, and I jumped, accidentally jarring my ankle in the process. I cried out softly as the pain shot up my leg, and for a moment my hunger faded.

Gentle hands touched my face, tilting my chin up.

"Baby, are you okay?" Punk asked, concern lacing his voice. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

Tears started to stream down my cheeks when I saw him, and Punk looked bewildered. He probably wondered at what point along the timeline of our relationship that him opening a door made me burst into tears.

"You didn't leave me..." I managed to get out past the sobs that were ripping from my body, and Punk's beautiful hazel eyes immediately softened.

"Of course I didn't," he murmured, gently wiping the tears from my cheeks. "I never could."

"I was so scared...I thought that you had gotten sick of me..."

"Baby, I could never get sick of you," Punk said, sounding stunned that I could even think that. "I love you more than anything. Why would I leave what makes me happy?"

At his kind words I cried harder, and he just held me tight, soothing me by stroking my hair and whispering loving words in my ear.

After I had calmed down, the nurse that had come with Punk handed me a little paper cup full of water and placed two capsules in my hand.

"Go ahead and swallow those," she told me while she fluffed my pillow. "It'll make your pain go away, although you'll feel really drowsy."

I wasn't sure how I felt about being drowsy, but they were pills and they were going to take away my pain, so I popped them into my mouth and gulped down the water.

I leaned back against the freshly-fluffed pillow, my eyelids already starting to droop. Damn, those were some fast-acting pills.

Punk's hand slid into mine, and I gripped it so tightly that I'm sure he lost some of the feeling in his fingers. But he didn't try and pull his hand away or say anything about it. Instead he just sat there with me, allowing me to hold his hand as tight as I wanted.

I kept my eyes fixed on his face until they got so heavy that I had to close them, and I felt his lips brush my forehead just before I sank into the velvet embrace of unconsciousness.


End file.
